Looking back...

In a somewhat drunken haze I find myself looking back on previous posts that I have made on this very neglected blog. In doing so I am mainly drawn to my post entitled 'Where to begin?'.

This is a post that I made over two years ago, and it is quite interesting to be able to read, in my own words, about the person I was at the time.

Whilst there are still things that still ring true (such as the concern about blogging in itself), I'd like to think that I have moved on quite well over the past few years.

I wonder if there will always be an element of worry when it comes to being important, or matching my peers, but I suppose only time will tell.

On the other hand, the paragraph in the aforementioned post which mentions a lack of drive... well... I think to a certain degree that has been rectified; I have been promoted at my job, and I have a year of University studying under my belt. This is, needless to say, a major step up from where I was two years ago!

Musically, I could be doing better, but I can take solace in the fact that this year I stepped up on stage to play my guitar for the first time since my 17th birthday! Quite a long time! It was only for one song, but I had an amazing time, and I hope to repeat it soon.

I turn 25 on Tuesday... am I finally growing up?? I doubt it... but stay tuned, I may just surprise you.

Matt

As I mentioned before:

here is the blog I mentioned in my previous post: pushitbitches.blogspot.com

Note to self...

... use paragraphs like a normal person would.

Posting? What does that mean?

Once again it has been many moons since I have posted anything on here. Quite possibly the longest gap yet. So much has changed since my last post (waaaay back in 2009), and it would be far too much to go into detail on here, but needless to say, a lot has changed in the last few years, and I'm quite a different person; some ways good, and some ways not so good, but I have the rest of my life to work on those! :) A few friends of mine have started up a blog for fun, and I have decided that maybe some of my more creative rants could use a home too. Will I actually do it? That is another question, for another day.

Music.

Back again! Two posts in as many months... got to be a record!

I've really been gettting back into music recently. Whether it be stuff my Mum used to play on Sunday mornings when I was a young'un, or personal guilty pleasures, it has all been on my aural menu of recent weeks.

From Simon and Garfunkel, Mamas and Papas, Elvis Costello and David Bowie, to The Smiths, The Stone Roses, Ladyhawke, White Lies, and countless others.

I know I'm not being profound when I say how music has such an effect on (nearly) every human being the world over, however, I really do feel a deep connection to music. To be supremely cliche about it; music can make me truely elated, and it can make cry. A recent case has to be watching this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iad-A7-yxys, now Bill doesnt have the most perfect voice, but the atmosphere this song created, made my skin tingle, and my eyes to well up. The song that gets me most though, is this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzZQJZdcCU4, I was listening to this song on the bus, with my headphones on. As the song reaches its climax: a simple high pitched voice, the drums rise, a beautiful yet simple guitar twangs, and Keles (the lead singer) voice pierces through. On this one day, this particular journey, I had tears of pure happiness rolling down my cheeks, and a huge grin on my face.

Music is a major part of my life, yet I do not give it the time, or effort it deserves.

There is one thing I do wish I could do more of, and that is create music. I can play Guitar, and Bass relatively well, and if my confidence was a bit higher I'd probably even be bold enough to say I can sing half-decent too! But, unlike many people who I know, there is something that stops me. Probably a self-concious, or self-image issue there, but it still frustrates me. I think I am too hung up on trying to be 'cool', or I am concerned that if I do make an attempt it won't be good enough and I will embarass myself.
When I think about these things, I realise how silly it all is, and the main reason for the existance of music, let alone the personal interaction with it, is for fun!

These guys are my beacon, my glimmer of hope. They, from what I gather (correct me if I'm wrong!) are mainly into this for the fun, and they can write a bloody good riff too! They are personal friends of mine who I look to to remind myself about having fun, and not caring about what people think. www.myspace.com/zstacks Check out Toffee Hammer!

It's time to move forward... and as my last post said, I must try and work through the things stopping me doing what I want to do. I'll have to get out my guitars, give them a dust off, and get creative! If anyone fancies a jam session, let me know, and we'll see what happens!

Matt

Where to begin?

Hello Everyone,
I have finally returned to my blog, will it last this time? You will have to keep reading and leave me lots of lovely comments to find out!

I've never had the staying power for a blog, maybe it is laziness, but when I really think about it, what holds me back is the fear that I am not interesting enough of a person to hold an audiences attention, or my ideas aren't articulate or well informed enough to impress my peers and/or readers. On top of all this there is the fear of appearing self absorbed, or narcissistic.

Ultimately, it is a question of self-confidence, why do I not feel as important or as interesting as my peers? What is it that holds me back, and keeps me withdrawn?

I could ask this question of myself in relation to lots of things, but most of all, why do I not have the drive, and ambition to achieve more than what I have for myself right now? Fear of Failure? Fear of the unknown?

There are many ways in which I am a confident person, but like most people (I imagine) there are many ways in which I am incredibly self-conscious, and maybe this blog is what I need to help me win some of that confidence back. Immersion therapy, if you will.

Well, in what is my first post in years, I seem to have blurted out an awful lot which I didnt intend to... even now I am reading it back and considering removing it all and starting again... but I will leave it all there, Warts and all... after all, isn't that what a blog is all about?

Until next time,
Sykes

Its been a long time....

It's been a long time since I last posted, maybe even 6 months now!

I would say that so much has changed, but, to be honest, it hasnt. I'll give you a quick update:

I got a job at Lloyds of London, which required me to be all suited up etc. I didnt really enjoy it but I could have stuck it out for a while... that would have been if they hadnt asked me to leave last friday.
Yep, I essentially got fired last friday. They said that I wasnt gonna pass my probationary period, so I should leave, effectively immediately... they took my pass and escorted me out of the fuckin building.. like some criminal, or as if id been stealing.

So now, once again, im absolutely jobless. However, now I dont have any money coming in, not even shitty woolworths pay!

If anyone has any idea of where I can get a job (soon!) it would be very appreciated, bacause I cant live for long on the little money I have... but, I still gotta have fun... I'll see you all at the tap tommorow! :D

Until next time,
Sykes

Unbelieveable...

Hello again everyone, it's been a few days since I last posted, and I don't want another lapse, which will almost inevitably result in me never posting!
Anyway, on to the post:

Terror in London, they said it would happen sooner or later. I turned on the news when I woke up at the crack of noon last thursday, and I couldn't believe my eyes; bombs on the underground, and on a trademark red london bus... The day before I was there, people were walking around with London 2012 flags, the city was happy, and the red arrows put on a celebratory display. How things change within 24 hours...

The City had gone from elation, to dispair, people on the tube trains and the number 30 bus were probably reading about the olympic victory in their newspapers, moments before the bombs went off, changing and destroying lives forever.

However, in the week we celebrate the allies victory in WWII, the blitz spirit seems to live on, people are still using public transport, going to theatres and gigs. London, and the rest of Britain will not let these terrorists win, or change our way of life.

I am probably one of the least patriotic people you will ever meet, but for the first time in a long while, possibly ever, I feel proud to be British. Terrorists may aim to make us "quake in fear", and change our way of life, but as these past few days have shown, they have failed.

Rant over...

If you feel like it, please visit these sites for other views on the bombings:
Rob
Astolath (Works in London, and has written a superb first hand account)